… Not only were their colors and patterns uncommonly fine, but clothes made of this cloth had a wonderful way of becoming invisible to anyone who was unfit for his office, or who was unusually stupid. “The Emperor’s New Clothes” by Hans Christian Anderson
I just read an article fresh out of the center of our moral and philosophical universe. The news came out of everyone’s ethical Mecca, Los Angeles. You know, that wonderful place on the left coast that decides what’s moral and immoral. The celebrities, in addition to being political geniuses, are our modern day priests of ethics. Just watch any TV show that originates in LA, and you’ll see their progressive agenda. Someone in the Screen Actors Guild has convinced them that they’re the guardians of all that is true and just and noble. It’s horrible that those rich, pampered, child-like simpletons have the responsibility of telling us all how to think.
You’d think that the Biblical-scale curses they suffer through almost daily would cause them to reassess their beliefs, but I guess not.
I just read the goshhonest report of how a trans-gender male, I mean female, won the prestigious Master’s Track Cycling World Championship in LA. The winners circle photo has this really big mannish person that says he/she is a girl. He, I mean she, is wearing the gold medal. The second place winner, who was born female thinks it’s fabulous that he, I mean she, won first. The 3rd place woman ain’t having it, and cried “foul.” The 3rd place “she” thinks a woman who was born male shouldn’t be allowed to compete in women’s sports. Unsurprisingly, people are denouncing her as “trans-phobic.” She’s like that pesky child in the aforementioned story who said the Emperor was naked. They both stated the obvious and she’s suffering for it. I’m not sure that there’s a place for honesty in this world. We’ve become a society where calling a man a man is a hate crime, but up is down and left is right.
Who am I to disagree? I plan to get with the program. In the first place, I’m “coming out” as Trans- Rich. I’ve been Trans-Poor and Trans-In-Debt all of my life and I just don’t like that. Poor isn’t me. I demand my right, so the credit card companies need to approve my trip to France. The fancy hotels should celebrate me too. I want the Presidential Suite. Since I’m Trans-Rich, I can’t be bothered with paying. My people need to take care of it. If you’re not “my people,” you must be trans-phobic and you will be ruined on social media and on NBC Nightly News. Open your mind, open your checkbook, and open your fancy hotel. Keep the fancy food coming as you celebrate my out coming, or coming out, or whatever.
I feel better already. I may come out as Trans-Cadillac Driver or Trans-BMW Owner pretty soon. My wife may even come out as Trans-New-Furniture Possessor. I want her to come out as a Trans-Gourmet- Chef, but she says that’s not how she self-identifies. Trans-Window-Washer is out of the question too.
My grandson is getting in touch with his real self too. Not only does he self-identify as Trans- Dirt-Bike Rider, he is also Trans-Homeworkless. Any day now he’s going to stop going to school, because he’s a Trans-Graduate, or maybe a Trans-Dropout. I think he’s also coming out as Trans-Geriatric. He has plans to enter every Senior Olympics in the country. Not only can he outrun most 80 year olds, he can totally dominate the wheelchair course. He should also get the senior discount at Denny’s or we’re tweeting how he was mistreated. We should call that “mis-tweet-ment, haha.
Seriously, let’s all get in on this. You can self-identify as a 6 year old and totally rock 1st grade. It’s your trans-right, just ask the Guardians of Grooviness in LA. They’ll celebrate you no matter how insane and ridiculous your selfidentification is. Beware though, you can’t point out that they’re idiots. Perhaps you should say they’re Trans-Stupid. That’ll keep you in the winner’s circle. Maybe you can even become Trans-Trans. That’ll get everyone applauding you.