I’ve got a friend with a problem. He’s addicted to social networking. I’m sure it’s an addiction, because it runs his life and he’s given up beneficial activities, like eating pie and watching Netflix. We barely know who he is anymore. We’ll call him Bill.
Whatever our addiction is, the dynamics are the same. I’m thinking that all obsessions and addictions have “gateways.” For as long as I can remember, which is like a month and a half, marijuana has been called the gateway drug to heroin. It’s also the gateway to snack cakes and Doritos. There was a movie similar to the classic “Reefer Madness” that we watched in health class. It portrayed the horrible things we’d suffer if we smoked the drug. That included immorality, death, dismemberment, and high blood sugar. Some also believe that being involved in marijuana exposes you to people that you normally wouldn’t associate with, like drug dealers and drivethru people.
So is there a gateway “drug” to alcoholism? Maybe wine is the gateway. Wine has alcohol and comes from not-so innocent fruit. You need to avoid fruit so you won’t become an alcoholic. Pie is the exception. Fruit in pie is a gateway to happiness. Vegetables are cousins to fruit, so you have to avoid them as well. You don’t want to get addicted. Think of a movie titled “Veggie Madness.”
If you’ve ever been around a compulsive shopper, you know that they’re definitely addicts. When they shop and spend money, the shopaholics are giddy like they’re on drugs. When they’re overdrawn at the bank, they’re depressed and lethargic. They don’t even want to eat pie, if you can imagine that. So what’s the gateway drug for compulsive shopping? Maybe it’s coupons that give you a great deal on stuff you don’t need and never really wanted. Probably, store sales are the real gateway. Those flashy signs on the front of stores play on the affinity for sparkly things and resemble the brilliant colors found in pie. I say if you never go to a sale, you won’t become a shopping addict. Don’t fall for the subliminal messages that addict you to shopping without giving you the satisfaction that pie gives you. “Closing Sale Insanity” would be good on the big screen.
This brings us to the social networking addiction. Bill got involved in Yahoo chat back in the day. I’m thinking he got hooked, because the more he embellished his identity, the more popular he got. It was like a modern version of when I was in the service. During NATO deployments, the guys all embellished and said they were fighter pilots. It impressed the fräuleins but nobody seemed to notice that we had 4 planes with 90 pilots and no mechanics. I guess European girls in nightclubs don’t use a lot of math, but I digress.
So Bill, which on social networking is spelled Sergei, has this persona. He’s supposedly a race car driving, physician-stock broker from Madrid. The only reason I found out about it was because he left his phone unlocked while he went to the bathroom. I accidentally looked at it for several minutes. I inadvertently snooped around and ound Sergei, nee Bill, is everywhere on social networking. He’s being followed by hundreds of people that he shouldn’t associate with because they may lie too. His accounts show he’s on Tweeter, Instasham, and Fazedbook all of the time. He’s stopped doing all of the important things in life, like having pie at the Diner and loaning me money so I can catch the good sales. He started with innocent chat and descended into Internet Madness. It’s only a matter of time until he suffers death or dismemberment or maybe poor health.
I confronted him and he denies having a problem, but still won’t loan me money. He even deflected by saying that I have a pie problem, but that’s crazy talk. I could stop pie anytime I want. Really.
We’re getting together to do an intervention as soon as we get done with the free medical care. I also need some more stock tips. My point is that to be safe from addiction, you must avoid the gateways to addiction. Have some pie, but avoid the reefer and the veggies. Have some more pie, but stay away from the clearance sales. Stick with the pie and you won’t end up addicted to something.